Friday, June 18, 2010

Movie star told “get out more”

A well known Hollywood actress has been diagnosed with severe vitamin D deficiency as a result of avoiding sunshine. Gwyneth Paltrow, most famous for her teary over-long Oscar speech and some films that I can’t care enough to remember, was diagnosed after suffering a Tibial plateau fracture… that’s the top of the shin bone for the rest of us. A subsequent bone scan revealed the beginnings of osteopenia, which many medical folks see as the precursor to osteoporosis.

In an attempt to stay young-looking Paltrow has spent a good deal of time avoiding the ageing effects of sunshine by staying indoors on nice days and covering up on the rare occasions that she finds herself outside. Not only has this resulted in an alabaster complexion to die for but, by avoiding the sun, she has become spectacularly deficient in vitamin D which, along with protecting us against some forms of cancer, keeps our bones strong. As well as prescribing massive remedial supplements of the vitamin, her doctors told her to spend more time in the sun.

There are two factors in the desire to stay whiter than white. For centuries white skin has been a goal for many women. Among the aristocracies of China and Europe for instance, swarthy skin was considered vulgar. Renaissance artists celebrated women with translucent marble-like skin. White skin meant good breeding. The efforts to maintain white skin in the past have been as damaging as Paltrow’s efforts in this century. Notoriously, arsenic and mercury were two compounds of choice for whitening skin. They do of course kill you, but that was felt to be a small price to pay for beauty and status.

The other factor is skin cancer. Or, more accurately, the fear of skin cancer whipped up by media reports and ill thought out government campaigns.

Speaking about something that the entire world has experienced daily since the beginning of time and that creates and sustains life on the planet, Paltrow said "I was curious if it was safe, having been told for years to stay away from its dangerous rays”. She doesn’t say exactly who told her to stay away from the sun but we can guess that alarmist media and government advice had something to do with it. The horrors of skin cancer are promoted widely. Certainly in Australia hardly a week goes by without being presented with a TV image or vast motorway poster close-up of a melanoma… lest we forget.

Much less promoted are the benefits of sunlight. Apart from stopping our bones from crumbling, studies also show that optimal vitamin D levels protect against ovarian, pancreatic, lung and breast cancers. A lack of vitamin D can also lead to cardiovascular disease and cognitive impairment in adults.

We spend a lot of time indoors nowadays; probably more than at any other time in history. Even when it’s not raining. Quite what the cumulative effect of our indoor lives will be is only just being uncovered: shorter life expectancy, environmental ignorance and social ineptitude may be the melting tip of the iceberg.

An actress can be forgiven for behaving like this, as the earnings crash that occurs to women in Hollywood at the first signs of wrinkles is usually spectacular. The rest of us have no such excuse.

Get out more, and enjoy responsibly.

Gwyneth Paltrow's original newsletter article
Hormone disruptors and nano-chemicals - latest guide to safe sunscreens

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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

British Life To Change Forever

David Cameron or Nick Clegg warned today that he would change forever the way the British lived. Dismissing accusations of social engineering as “the whining of wound-licking socialist running dogs” he stated “there is no such thing as society, therefore there can be no such thing as social engineering.”

The UK prime minister warned that the cuts to public services would be unpleasant, however the good news was that he would never meet those most affected by the changes at a dinner party. He went on to say that unpleasant things were always good for you, which meant the cuts were Common Sense and the Right Thing to do. The war in Iraq and the medicine his nanny used to give him were proof if proof were needed, he added.

Speaking later at a London private club to an audience of Daily Mail readers bussed in from Middle England David Cameron or Nick Clegg said “in layman’s terms the problem with the NHS and social welfare is that they simply do not make any money.” He then went on to attack the idea that these services were necessary. “I’ve never had to use them, and I can’t see why anyone else would need to either.”

“These cuts are not motivated by ideology, they are simply Common Sense. We plan to close the NHS and stop welfare payments to voters in the North.” He then went on to talk about the importance of continuity, pledging to continue the Labour Party’s policy of donating tax revenue to the banks. “They make excellent profits, and this is Good Business.”

Hitting back at criticism he said “suggestions that public spending can somehow support growth and improve the economy are the insane ravings of the sort of left-wing university intellectuals who never invited me to their parties at Oxford.” Stepping back from the microphone he then punched the air and shouted, "who's the daddy? I own you bitches" before continuing to lay out the government's planned cuts.

Inspired by the public apology given recently by Michael Ignatieff, the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, for the excessive cuts of his predecessors David Cameron or Nick Clegg announced that the UK government would quickly form a Canadian-style Star Chamber of Private Sector experts to make government more efficient. “The speed with which BP have dealt with the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico should be a lesson to us all” he shouted over rapturous applause from the Daily Mail readers.

After the speech James Kirk, a Daily Mail reader from Penge said “finally we have a government with Common Sense. It’s about time those scroungers in the North stopped taking out of the taxpayer’s pocket. If they want health care they should cash in some of their investments to pay for it like I do.”

“At last we've got a proper English government that we can look up to instead of all those fucking Jocks.”

A hommage of sorts to the Daily Mash